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Follow the orders of Belgium!
What if I don't?
You shall suffer a lingering death, be it boiling oil or molten lead.

Sam, the ruler of Belgium, siezed power as an infant, beginning his reign of terror in 1987. He is proud of his "the more the merrier" policy of immigration, adding "if they can handle a sword, that's cool, too." The army was his top priority from the beginning, stating his goal was "to make the Belgianese military the best it has ever been." Apparently, Belgium has a few nukes, as well as a number of nuke riders, complete with governmental cowboy hats to compliment their costume as they ride the nuclear bomb down to its destination. If the nuke hits the ground and fails to go off, the nuke rider is equipped to set the bomb off, by kicking it, hitting it with a hammer, or possibly throwing a grenade at it. The governmental cowboy hats are designed to withstand the nuclear blast, so that they may be reused at a later date. The nuke riders, however, are not. Sam believes that all other nuclear states should give their nuclear weapons to belgium, and that terrorists, if they are from belgium, are cool, but from anywhere else, terrorists would be bad, because they're "stealing our style."

I've got their heads in the frying pan.

Sam is also a supporter of Lllamanian freedom, saying he would "use my iron fist of ruling to defy them [the UN]" to get Lllamania the representation it so richly deserves. In a rare gesture of kindness, Sam confided that "I'll be nice. I'll still take over the world like I planned, but I'll leave your country alone." He also said that he would consider initiating normal trade relations with Lllamania. Incidentally, the major export of Belgium is "Fish Tre-- wait, I mean gelatin warheads." Upon hearing of the existance of Lllama.com (boo!) the Dictator exclaimed "That's blasphemy and it's gonna die." However, he stated that "Canada sucks! They're like the mock USA, but they don't allow guns."

What's a play? What's a King of Belgium?

Being a great fan of the Stinky Tree project and a member of Lllama's school system, Sam had quite a few choice comments on the topic of Fish Trees. "They're gonna be burned. There are no Fish Trees in Belgium, but we will invade other countries and burn theirs, because fish trees are not good." "I think they got the fish trees because they are cheap, and my school is on welfare, so cheap is good." "The fish trees are not keen." "I only know of one girl who smells like fish, and she is ugly and I don't want our school to be like that."

The dictator of Belgium will not take this.

The Astrological sign of this very available young bachelor Dictator is Gemini "the sexiest sign in the world." Being the twins, this means he has two personalities, one that goes out and does stuff, and one that stays at home and crochets, plays cribbiage, plots the demise of the planet, and enjoys long walks under the moon on the beach. His greatest accomplishment ever was "getting my shoes on this morning," and he has eaten TWICE his own weight in Cheese Wiz, "the Wiz that Cheeses." He sings, so long as one considers grunting singing, and is a socialist, but was never and is not presently a member of the communitst party. His favorite movie is Time Bandits, his favorite band (this week) is Spine Shank, and his favorite sorbet flavor is "lemon, it's nummy."

I can say stuff in Latin!
Quid.
Quid est.

Sam, the Ruler of Belgium can be contacted at his email address burningdog9@hotmail.com "the mail that's hot."