Gotta remember to breathe sometimes.
I graduated. How strange is that? Not that I finished High School, I don't think anyone doubted that would happen as scheduled, but where the hell does the time go? I remember graduating ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. I miss elementary school. I had my college orientation two days after graduation. I have a boyfriend now (sort of). What the heck is going on? You try to stay in control, but time just goes bounding on, dragging you along and ripping all stability apart behind it. I miss stability. I guess it's never really been there, I just miss the illusion. I miss a lot of things. When I had them, of course, time was spent pining for better things. Turns out there aren't really any better things, and the grass is actually greener where you're sitting. Everything's supposed to be so neat and tidy. I'm never going to see a lot of these people again, I don't want this to be the end, I don't want to be finished, I don't want to be moving on so soon. I just got here, I don't even know half my graduating class. How many people am I never going to know? How many chances have I already missed?
I guess I'll tell you all about the bets a month before the prom. Cindy, David, Greg and I had Astronomy together, and we sat together in the front left (from our view) corner of the room. After the little disaster on the Montreal Trip, I was really nervous about asking Thijs to the prom. Cindy, being madly in love, was very nervous about asking Nick. David, not being sure about Will's prefrence in gender, was scared as all hell to say anything to him, especially since they were such close friends and he didn't want to wreck that. We all agreed to take the plunge in the following order: Me durring Chorale that day (the next period) David right after school, and Cindy before second period the next day. Greg was informed that he would have to ask someone the next day, although he didn't really care.
I asked Thijs, he asked why, and I explained ("I like you, my firends like you, and you're the only guy I've ever danced with voulentarily" which by the way was true) and then continued to make an idiot of myself because I didn't hear him say "alright" the first time. David had a two page note, pouring his heart out to Will and begging him not to freak out if the answer was no. They hung out for a little bit after school, then Will walked out the front door. David worked up his nerve, and then ran after him to deliver the note. Cindy actually asked Nick the next day. They were so cute, Cindy would miss the first few minutes of Astronomy every day to "stop at her locker" or her Mom's room, where Nick had study hall, but Nick would usually be waiting for her in the halls, "stoping at his locker" too. Just for a minute or two of time together.
Nick said he'd have to think about it. Apparently, he thought that was clearly telling Cindy to ask again later, and we all tried to get her to, but she wouldn't, and so he asked another girl, before even telling Cindy a flat out "no." Will said something vague and negative to David, but they remained close friends. The girl Greg asked already had a date (... Nat? Why Nat?). And he refused to take the sophomore who'd been stalking him (only a little bit!). For some time, I was the only one with a prom date lined up.
Cindy went with Colin, a sophomore and integral member of our circle of friends. David went with Maria, one of his best friends in the world. Greg went with some junior. Nick also went with some junior. Will was invited by Marisa, but he was overheard multiple times saying he'd rather go with David (too late now). Colin looked so spiffy, and we all adored him, but only as a friend, as someone to giggle with. David and Maria, obviously nothing there. Nick danced with at least four girls, we couldn't figure out who he was with by the end of the night. Greg? Who knows, who cares? By the end of the night, though, Thijs was with me.
Thijs was reminicing with Lyndsy about the time in Mr. Jacobs' class when they cross-dressed for a skit, and (with the permission of their dates) they switched clothes. (went into the respective bathrooms, shed the clothing and handed it out to the runners, who met in the middle and switched tux for dress, took the clothes back to the waiting switchees) There's a great picture of me dancing with Thijs while he was in the dress. They didn't stay switched for long, and life went on. I had promised Greg a slow dance we kinda owed each other from eighth grade, but I couldn't find him, and I didn't really mind. Thijs squished my feet a few times, but that's what I get for going with the only guy in the High School who doesn't put me to shame on the dance floor :) After a dance or two he asked if I would mind if he kissed me. What a sweetie. I decided his penance for embarassing me like that (the dress, I mean) would be dinner and a movie, and he agreed all to readily.
David was so handsome, and Will was cute as always (if a little bit casually dressed for the occasion). They danced in the same group, everyone was so happy. Nick was shut out of our little group, Cindy didn't even degrade him with the "kiss the ring" thing she had planed.
The overnight party after graduation (hosted and run by parents, but not mine) was populated by most of the same people. Cindy avoided Nick at all costs. David worked up the nerve (with wasn't to hard with the alcohol in his system) to hug Will. He said if he'd been a bit drunker, he woulda kissed him. He saw that look in Will's eyes, Maria saw it too. She finally asked Will flat out "Are you, or aren't you [gay]?" and he said "I'm not sure if I want to go out with a guy, but if I did it would definitely be David." I hung out with Thijs most of the night. How wrong is this? I'm not the one madly in love, I'm not the one destined to be with this guy, I'm not even sure what's going on in my own head. Cindy will never see Nick again, David has already gone back to New York, he's never going to see Will again. What's been nipped in the bud before it had a chance to bloom? What's been cut off forever, too soon? Why in heaven's name was I the one who wound up with what I wanted? Why the hell am I not in love with him, and why aren't the one's who really deserve it together? Why are things so messed up? Who decided to end things like this? I want a nice, clean package, everyone leaving with a smile and the right people together and in love and happily ever after. I know it's not possible, but honestly, why not? This is our last chance.
Why can't things work out the way they're supposed to, just this once?
