I have made a startling discovery: Lllama can't find anything to be angry about.
No, I am not strung out on chocolate, and everything isn't neccisarily coming up roses, I just can't feel mad about it. You know, stuff happens. I hope this passes, because I can't write well when I'm not pissed off at someone or something. I guess I'm just feeling productive again. I'm going to have a job this summer, and I've got a play going up in two weeks, and I've finally gotten around to fixing all the stuff on my hard copy of the website (now all I have to do is finish the new stuff and upload it).
No, that's wrong. I just feel empty. Really empty. You can keep busy, you can have all the friends in the world, but if there isn't something you're struggling for, something you dream of, then everything just feels empty. You can smile along with the rest, you can play your part, but something's not there. It's so easy to mask whatever it is you're feeling. You can laugh when you want to cry and cry when you want to laugh. You can play all the games and make everyone think whatever you want, and they hardly ever even notice you exist, let alone figure out that something's not quite right.
It's easy to live in anger. Not hate, mind you, hate is stupid and blind and ultimately leads only to bad stuff. Anger, though, can be put to good uses. Anger can be sublimated. Anger can fix society. It's not like there's any lack of things to be angry about, either. I mean, just look around you. People have seven TVs and 2 computers while children starve. The government can't be trusted, corperations are full of blood sucking bastards, and simply being a teenager makes you look more suspicious than people a few years older or younger than you. The world can really suck, if you look at it in that light. Sometimes, for the sake of art, sanity, or whatever, you have to look at it in that light.
I just don't understand why it's not working.
I had an edge when I started writing these. I used to be pissed off at AOL and all those other things I was talking about, now... now I want to write something. Maybe I should stop ranting and start writing fiction, or something you guys will actually want to read. Oh, well, my site, my choice.
It's not that nobody likes me, it's that I don't like anybody
